With rumour swirling, gossip in the air about the cabinet, it is hard to work out what is really going on. Since Mrs May didn’t really win the prize she was expecting, ministers have become an unruly lot. Tomorrow, they’re all going to get a telling off (with apologies to the truth).
Why is she so cross?
David wants her job, although he says that he doesn’t and isn’t thinking about it, it’s only his friends getting excited.
Boris wants the job too, although he says he doesn’t want it yet, and guess what, it’s only his friends getting a bit excited.
This excitement sometimes involves those friends saying rude things about the other one.
Neither of them, nor any of their friends, want Philip to get the job.
Some of Philip’s friends want him to get the job, but maybe he’s not so sure. What he really wants is to stay in charge of the money, whoever has the big job.
Philip doesn’t trust or like Michael very much.
Neither, really, does Theresa like Michael very much. But lots of people think he is clever and he likes Brexit.
So does Boris, who used to like Michael a lot.
Then Michael was really mean to Boris and it hurt his feelings a lot. They’ll probably never go to each other’s houses again for dinner but they may not quite feel like poisoning the other’s dinner.
Then there’s Liam, who also likes Brexit a lot.
He likes running for the big job. He says he doesn’t want that opportunity to come up, but if it does, he might well have another go because he likes doing it so much.
There’s also Andrea, who smiles a lot and…